Time Enough For Little

March 6, 2009

I had considered another fictional job with a different narrator – again along the lines of the middle section of The Savage Detectives. In fact I had written several paragraphs with large number of invented names. This had been done on the train ride to Paris last weekend. I even made a grand plan to make all of the remaining Cambridge posts in the same manner all with new narrators for different posts. Then it all fizzled. The interest and time went away – more importantly the time. Also I became unsure of the character motivations as well. It is shelved for now.

A standard abbreviated post instead then. It felt like an abbreviated night anyway despite being there from 10 to beyond 2 and despite it being fairly busy. I came close to breaking a sweat only once all night – Bilongo with Jane. My impression was that it was more work than fun for her – in retrospect I completely botched the first third of the song. For other dances there wasn’t much to botch, and I could have recited a mantra, “keep it simple, don’t make it overwhelming …”

Sam made it once again. I thought I saw her early, but she said she arrived late. She definitely stayed late. A belated start on a new-year resolution she said. Once again she looked strikingly happy dancing – dancing a lot more and with more people than the Sam I remembered of yesteryear. About the only thing that did not change was the controlling personality displayed tonight in the form of coming up with many song requests. I don’t think I can stay annoyed with her for very long.

Anette was there also for the first time in about 8 months, another nice blast from the past. Ditto Cambiz. The Royston trio was there, but only Steve stayed until very late. No Johnny. No Serap. Haihan was there but did not dance much. I can’t say that I was surprised or that I don’t understand it. No Steph. A personal favorite move by Mark was a perfectly apt side-to-side step. Vishal once again acted as the DJ for a fairly long time, which made perfect sense in preparing for the life without me. NYC Salsa CD was heavily used once again (Todo Tiene Su Final, Nina Y Senora, Bilongo, Presidente Dante, others?).

Playlist

Aquel Cantor – Erick*
Que Traigo Es Sabroso – Eddie Torres Mambo Kings Orchestra*
Sin Ti Moriria – Domenic Marte* (1)
Como Quiera – Jose Alberto “El Canario”*
La Cura – Frankie Ruiz (2)
La Muerte – El Gran Combo
Castigala – Los Nemus Del Pacifico* (3)
(v) Suavemente – Elvis Crespo (4)
Te Extrano – Extreme (5)
Ran Kan Kan – Tito Puente (old vibe version sans vocals)
Los Caminos De La Vida – Ismael Miranda & Junior Gonzalez
La Llave – Grupo Latin Vibe
Mira Ven Aca – Johnny Colon (6)

(1) First of Sam’s request. Presumably she asked Vish too.
(2) Sam makes another request. I made her dance with me.
(3) It is rather silly to call this new given how often Vish had played this song.
(4) Oft repeated request requiring borrowing one of Vishal’s CD.
(5) This was Sam’s second request. I didn‘t know the third song she (and Mark) was looking for (Vea?).
(6) I had been wondering if I could keep Mark and Sam on the dance floor for the next song as well for five songs in a row - success. In fact many of the remaining people dancing stayed through this end sequence. This song was started shortly after 2 AM, and Vishal closed it with Lamento Boliviano.

Total = 13 songs. 1 Merengue (Vishal’s), 2 Bachata including 1 new, 1 Cha Cha. 9 Salsa including 4 new.

I think it would serve Vishal well for him to start the painful process of reorganizing his CDs - organized by artists and with real song titles.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't you think that.. maybe... it might be considered rude to criticise peoples looks, dress sense, dance style, music choices, DJing ability and general persona behind their backs in a forum they are likely not aware of yet use their names publicly for anyone to see.

I don't know under which culture you grew up, in someone should have told you by now that this sort of social behavior can be considered offensive and you might well find that you have inadvertantly (or intentionally...though i hope not) managed to alienate those very people who are in the social scene you seem enjoy so much.

A person relaxing in a friendly social environment like the salsa club shouldn't have to feel as though they have to check to see where you are, whether you're watching or listening to what they are saying knowing that it is quite likely that if you see or hear them doing something (even just dancing) then you will then announce your - sometimes scathing - interpretation of their actions for the whole world to read.

I hope you take stock of what i'm saying and use this opportunity to re-assess your outlook on life and think a little about others before posting, be in words said to you in private, conversations which you've listened in on or the critical comments about how a person acts when they are out enjoying themselves.

hyh said...

I'm not sure what got you to write all of sudden after so many years.

At this point, pretty much everyone knows what's going on - especially people I talk about in length. It would be a bit a stretch to say I'm talking behind anyone's back.

You and I are different people with different values. I think neither of us will have much luck trying to change the other. Let's not talk about culture - don't you watch teevee or use internet?

A tip - your criticism would make a lot more power if you replaced the the word "criticise" with "talk about" in the first paragraph and simply drop "critical" in the last paragraph - unless you believe that if you are not saying nice things about other people, you should not say anything. In my opinion these modifications would transform the comment from a wimpy whine of overprotected overprivileged oversensitive adolescent to a social commentary of some maturity and backbone (even if I still don't agree with it).

If I say something about you that you didn't like, let me know and I'll stop. In fact I don't talk much about you if at all, do I? Don't feel the need to speak for someone else's hurt feelings when they did not ask you to speak for them.

Thanks for the advice anyway. Maybe I should have stuck to fiction - seems so apt esp in light of this reaction.

Take a look a the bright side. In 6 weeks or so, this blog should cause no more new annoyances for you. Maybe you'll visit the club more often. Everything will make sense again because everyone will share your values and culture. You'll be happy!

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that you obviously do not understand the comments that i made said quite a lot about your social ineptness.

if you recall i made no snappish comments on your own personality or motivations but rather gave you well needed and long over due advice on how to not alienate and offend people in the social circle that you try to walk in. When one responses so promptly, snappishly and childishly like this it usually implies that they have seen a unfortunate truth that they do not like.

so therefore, trying to keep this civil - in the tone of advice that it was intended - i will deal with your comments one by one.

1. the fact that some people are aware of your blog does not by any sensible definition mean that they read it or that they are even aware of the critical nature of your comments as i believe most people think (as the summary suggests) that it's just you writing out step patterns.
Yes i use 'Critical' as you are not being pleasant, indifferent or purely observatory in your comments but rather slanted and negatively critical.
Therefore to assume that those who you slate read your bloke is egotistical at best and at worst you could - and do - make comments which would cause embarrassment to said people should they become aware of your views.

2. yes, thank god, we are different people. Yes i watch TV yes i use the internet. what that has to do with your invasion of privacy i don't know. unless somehow you are confusing reality TV with real life

3. i used Criticism because that is the intended word. If i meant 'talk about' which has fundamental connotations of neutrality then i would have used it. i didn't.
There is a phrase you are apparently unaware of which goes "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all"
These would be wise words to try incorporate into your persona.

4. you have been approached over the years by people before about commenting on them, about relaying peoples private conversations on this blog and yet you still do.
Logical and human understanding alone should make you realise that what you are writing is aimed at non-constructive criticism. And to be honest, even if it was constructive this either neither the time or place for it. constructive criticism to an individual should be done face to face in private NOT through a public forum so that others get to read your insights into a persons flaws.

And no, you don't comment on me very often, for that i'm glad. But maybe that's because i avoid talking near you or to you in case our conversations end up on here.

5. Fiction is good, you can say what you want and express yourself freely at the expense of no-one. If writing is what you enjoy - as you write so i must assume so - then maybe this is an area you should dedicate your time to rather that writing mini, uninvited documentaries of other peoples private lives and social tendencies.

6. I'm not entirely sure why in 6 weeks this won't cause me annoyance. 6wks seems like a rather arbitrary figure. It's annoyed me since i first learned of it and i'm sure will continue to do so but i would rather spend my time in the real world than that of faux-reality where people lives are on display, out of context, outside of their own control viewed through the eyes of another.
I think the original idea of documenting classes for those who wish to practice them is likely a good thing and by all means document your life. Just not that of others. Just think before you press Publish 'could what i've written possibly cause anyone offense? could it be miss-interpreted? have i made unfounded assumptions about a persons actions or comments? why am i writing this critic?' if you do not do this then your are either intentionally doing those people a disservice or are so self involved that you care nothing about how your words affect others. Neither being a particularly attractive trait.

I'm not sure how much more often i would visit club... a couple of nights a week seems enough for now.

I had hoped to give you insight into the slight in your comments and to help you reassess your uninvited critical position of others. I still hope you can evolve and come out of this a better person. Time will tell.

regards, Rich

hyh said...

Let's go by the numbers.

1. I think you choose to see many harmless comments as slates – perhaps that’s your nature. In my opinion, you have a more negative outlook on life than me on many level.

Also the blog has been about far more than turn patterns for a very long time. In fact, there’s hardly any turn patterns these days – it’s not hard to see that. You are being willfully blind.

2. I probably watch less reality TV than you. You’re being far too simplistic in any case – there are shows other than Big Brother, etc. Also I was thinking more along the lines of facebook, myspace, twitter – in addition to the world of blogs of course.

3. Isn’t it obvious I was aware of the saying if not the exact wording?

4. I talk about people in detail only if I think they’re okay with it. That has been the case for years.

As for you, be honest. You don’t talk to me because you don’t like me. That was the case before you learned about the blog. My assessment is that we’d never become friends because of whatever prejudice you have against me, and very little of it has to do with this blog. I find it amusing that we've talked through this blog perhaps 10 times more in volume than we have in person - does the distance make it more palatable?

5. I tend to think that you won’t like my fiction either.

6. Again this shows your willful blindness or myopia. Among other things you seem unable to see that what happens in classes (especially the ones fixated only in turn patterns) is obvious but only a small part of learning to dance. A blog is a very limited medium for showing what’s entailed. Probably the most obvious part shown in my blog is the importance of music. There are other things too – sometimes not evident even to me until passage of time.

I won’t pretend that I will have made any progress in making you a better person – you’re not exactly a bundle of joy yourself. Sure there are people who like you. Then again I know people who don't. No different than my case, really.

All the best,

Anonymous said...

i'll finish this here. so don't expect replies after this one as you clearly are unwilling or more likely incapable of seeing the points i make.

1. more likely i'm more in tune with many of those people you talk about as i have less of an emotionally neutral state than you.

And it is your summary that i was quoting as saying about documenting lessons. Yes, it's obvious that you moved beyond just that. But only if someone reads your blog. And the fact that you cannot make a single comment even in this exchange without giving it a negative slant shows, i think, your nature and emotional immaturity.

2. of course there are other shows than big brother. I failed to see what relevance your TV comment had to the discussion other than if you were relating it to reality TV.
Facebook is very much people willingly joining a social group.

3. no, it's not obvious, as only through awareness of the wording would you be able to find awareness of the meaning which in turn would influence your actions which is obviously not the case.

4. i'm curious if you ever asked someone before whether they are ok with you posting their conversation contents or happy for you to report on their observed actions before doing so. Have you ever asked anyone's opinion, who you have publicly criticised, if they are happy with you doing so?

regarding me not liking you - actually i didn't mind you at all initially, you were just another person at club who danced. It was actually quite a while before i learned about the blog, and though it annoyed me no-one i knew was aware who owned the blog so hence though i built up annoyance at the blogger i have to animosity towards you as i have not connected you as the blogger.
I can categorically confirm to you that I only started disliking you when i realised that it was infact you who was you posting private personal interactions, scathing reviews of peoples DJing, tearing apart peoples dance style and being just generally overly critical and sometimes offensive towards those you would call associates or even friends.
That is when i started to see a side of you which i didn't like and that's when i started to guard my comments near you especially the private ones as I knew from experience of many others that you couldn't be trusted to respect peoples privacy.
My 'prejudice' as you call it, stems purely, and entirely because of how you treat people on this blog.

Yes, the distance makes it infinitely more palatable, i find that through the written word, which - like a letter - can be reviewed and revised, you can assess a persons true nature and intention. Just as we can see your true views on people through your blog which appears to differ so greatly from the way you interact with the same people in the flesh, maybe you are more comfortable in this world than the real one. And hopefully you can re-read such words at your leisure and find true meaning.

I do wonder if you have ever criticised a persons DJing or dancing ability to their face or if you just do it here where they might not read about it? And have you ever asked yourself what drives you to need to criticise people in such a non constructive way. it's not invited, not deserved and does non benefit anyone.

5. depends if it's good or not, i'm not critisicing your writing style just your social skills.

6. yes, classes are a small part of learning to dance, they have nothing to do with the ability to dance, rather they give a selection of moves to enhance a repertoire. Of course dancing is not just a sequence of moves tagged together but i fail to see the relevance of your point. I have not commented on your listing of music tracks as it has no bearing on our discussion along with many of your other points.

I thankyou for thinking you need to make me a better person, kindly point out any who do not like me and i will attempt to change that, I do not pretend to be perfect. And yes, i'm sure you're right. I'm no bundle of joy, hardly ever laughing or enjoying myself and must be an absolute bore to be around. I could definitely learn much from you i'm sure.

Good luck wherever you end up in 6wks, i just hope you take some of the above comments to heart and in the constructive way they are intended otherwise you may find it hard to start a new.

hyh said...

What is the best way to learn people’s views, nature and intentions? Is it by basing it on reading small number of posts in someone’s blog? Do you truly think reading someone’s blog alone gives you a truer picture of a person compared to interacting in person?

You say,

“Just as we can see your true views on people through your blog which appears to differ so greatly from the way you interact with the same people in the flesh, maybe you are more comfortable in this world than the real one.”

Are you sure I am the one more comfortable living in the internet world over the real world? After all, it is you, who say,

“My 'prejudice' as you call it, stems purely, and entirely because of how you treat people on this blog.”

By the way I studiously avoid letting this blog (or other blogs or equivalent) to affect how interact with people in the real world. In any case you seem to imply that in person I don’t seem as bad as you’d imagine based on what little you read from this blog. Most people take what they see in me in real life as real me, which is as it should be since you can only get so much from reading words on a computer screen.

My social skills are not atrophied to the point where I didn’t recognize that you treated me like nobody worth knowing at first and then with open dislike later. It's a very small club and we both have been around for many years. I’m all for forgiving and rapprochement, but I certainly don’t have enough social skills to get past people like you actively keeping me away at arm’s length. Given this, should I be anything but incredulous that you would make comments here (as opposed in the real world) with truly good intentions and for my benefit?

Perhaps in reacting to your comments, I was taking an opposite approach to yours – letting the real-world relationship affect this nether blog-world communication.

Onto minor points you ask,

“I do wonder if you have ever criticised a persons DJing or dancing ability to their face or if you just do it here where they might not read about it?”

Yes, I criticize Vish in person all the time. A very large number of the things I write in the blog are things I told Vish in person the same night! Often what I write in the blog is what I said out loud for that person to hear that night. I say and I write these things because I think they are constructive – certainly more constructive than badmouthing people quietly in the back room thinking you were being discreet. I don’t know if hearing this makes you think I’m bigger monster.

There is a method to what you might consider madness. I suppose it could depend on whether you think Supernanny is mean to those hopeless parents for pointing out their deficiencies, whether you think Gordon Ramsay has no business butting into how other people run their restaurants, whether Simon Cowell is nothing but piece of expletives. On the other side is whether you believe only a person of great authority has the right to voice opinions and criticisms – I wonder if this is a bigger issue in Europe (compared to America) with long historical class divides, etc.

Even outside the so-called reality-TV genre, you can see the ever-changing ideas about privacy and social mores, etc. Take for example the American teen soap opera, Gossip Girl. Now who is the Gossip Girl? She is an invisible character who runs a blog detailing social gossips of upper-class New York high school and its environs. Privacy of supposedly normal characters gets trampled routinely with no one making a fuss at the blogger. It’s an exaggeration but it does reflect real life and increasingly so.

What about Facebook, which you dismiss as merely people joining a social group? With people routinely becoming “friends” with practically anybody, the end effect in many cases is widespread broadcasting of private information (which some people would rather not learn). The amount of gossip that gets started because person X stopped being facebook friends with person Y – surely this is not news. Yet you choose to pick on me and this blog (so easy to ignore) and call me emotionally immature.

Finally I wrote, “unless you believe that if you are not saying nice things about other people, you should not say anything.” You replied, “There is a phrase you are apparently unaware of which goes "if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all.” Another exchange later, your point seems to be that if I don’t agree with the sentiment, I don’t know the phrase despite the fact that I brought up the phrase (or approximate paraphrase) first. You’re not doing much to demonstrate sincerity.

If this is to be the last word, so be it.

Anonymous said...

I hadn't planned to even leave a comment until I read your last post Ho-yon.

"Often what I write in the blog is what I said out loud for that person to hear that night. I say and I write these things because I think they are constructive"

Firstly, at no point have you commented to me in person that you believe I have a controlling personality. I requested 3 songs (2 of which you played). You were DJing. Apologies, I thought DJs played requested songs. I also fail to see how voicing your negative opinion of my personality is constructive? Please do explain.

Secondly, your reference to reality TV shows such as Supernanny is nothing but pathetic. Do you think Supernanny simply waltzes into a home and slags off people's parenting skills behind their backs? No, the parents apply to be part of the programme, welcoming Supernanny into their home and encouraging her criticism. This makes an 'entertaining' TV programme, which is scripted and dramatised. In contrast, some of your blog comments are uninvited, snide and, to be honest, plain bitchy.

I'm surprised (and disappointed) you've made such a comment about me, seeing as I'm one of the few people who does talk to you at CS. In future, please either keep your opinions about my personality to yourself, or try telling me to my face. That could be fun.

hyh said...

Hi Sam,

What you say on the whole sounds reasonable. I must admit controlling is not constructive and is ... a bit brusque - not that I imagine you'd appreciate a 1000-word essay on your personality for all to see :)

Hope you're not too angry. See you soon.